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GWYNETH PALTROW
I love men, even though they're lying, cheating scumbags.
PARACELSUS
...magic is a great secret wisdom, just as reason is a great
public folly.
DOROTHY PARKER
I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the
people he gave it to.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown
with great force.
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever
she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large
on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not
one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do
that any more.
Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded
wheelchair.
Every year, back come Spring, with nasty little birds yapping
their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.
You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.
WENDY & RICHARD PINI
Elfquest
"Sometimes the easiest path is the right one."
TERRY PRATCHETT
Carpe Jugulum
If you dig the best ditches, they'll give you a bigger shovel.
~~~
It's through other people that we become people.
~~~
"The trouble with not asking anything in return is that sometimes
you don't get it."
~~~
"It's not my place to tell them what to believe, if they act decent."
~~~
"Hard to have faith, ain't it, when you read too many books?"
~~~
"Don't chase faith, because you'll never catch it. But, perhaps,
you can live faithfully."
The Science of Discworld I and III
- with Ian Stewart & Jack Cohen
Science is common sense applied to evidence.
~~~
Liar-to-children is an honourable and vital profession, otherwise
known as 'teacher'.
~~~
I am sorry. It is hard to convey five-dimensional ideas in a language
evolved to scream defiance at the monkeys in the next tree.
Small Gods
‘And, of course, no one could possibly doubt the wisdom
of a war to further the worship and glory of the Great God.’
‘No. None could deny it,’ said Fri’it,
who had walked across many a battlefield the day after a glorious
victory, when you had ample opportunity to see what winning meant.
The Omnians forbade the use of all drugs. At times like that the
prohibition bit hard, when you dared not go to sleep for fear
of your own dreams.
~~~
‘Gods?’ said Xeno. ‘We don’t bother with gods.
Huh. Relics of an outmoded belief system, gods.’
There was rumble of thunder from the clear evening
sky.
‘Except for Blind Io the Thunder God,’
Xeno went on, his tone hardly changing.
Lightning flashed across the sky.
‘And Cubal the Fire God,’ said Xeno.
A gust of wind rattled the windows.
‘Flatulus the God of the Winds, he’s
all right too,’ said Xeno.
...
The philosophers looked very embarrassed. Then
Ibid said, ‘Foorgol the God of Avalanches? Where’s the
snowline?’
‘Two hundred miles away,’ said someone.
They waited. Nothing happened.
‘Relic of an outmoded belief system,’
said Xeno.
~~~
“Around the Godde there forms a Shelle of prayers and Ceremonies
and Buildings and Priestes and Authority, until at Last the Godde
Dies. Ande this maye notte be noticed.“
~~~
The captain frowned. ‘It’s a funny thing,’ he said,
‘but why is it that the heathens and the barbarians seem
to have the best places to go when they die?’
‘A bit of a poser, that,’ agreed the
mate. ‘I s’pose it makes up for ‘em... enjoying
themselves all the time when they’re alive, too?’
~~~
‘Just because you can explain it doesn’t mean it’s
not still a miracle.’
~~~
And it all meant this: that there are hardly any excesses of the
most crazed psychopath that cannot be duplicated by a normal,
kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has
a job to do.
Vorbis loved knowing that. A man who knew that,
knew everything he needed to know about people.
~~~
‘Yes, but humans are more important than animals,’ said
Brutha.
‘That is a point of view often expressed
by humans,’ said Om.
~~~
‘Life in this world,’ he said, ‘is, as it were,
a sojourn in a cave. What can we know of reality? For all we see
of the true nature of existence is, shall we say, no more than
bewildering and amusing shadows cast upon the inner wall of the
cave by the unseen blinding light of absolute truth, from which
we may or may not deduce some glimmer of veracity, and we as troglodyte
seekers of wisdom can only lift our voices to the unseen and say
humbly, “Go on, do Deformed Rabbit... it’s my favourite.“'
~~~
Humans has always wasted handy protein ever since they started
wondering who had lived in it.
~~~
It didn’t matter if you fooled yourself provided you didn’t
let yourself know it, and did it well.
Sourcery
It's vital to remember who you really are. It's very important.
It isn't a good idea to rely on other people or things to do it
for you, you see. They always get it wrong.
~~~
Ipslore the Red: "And what would humans be without love?"
Death: RARE.
"Where am I, exactly?"
"Er... a sort of a magical world with no-one in it but yourself."
"Oh, you mean the kind everyone lives in," said Rincewind bitterly.
- The Science of Discworld
Witches Abroad
People think that stories are shaped by people. In fact, it's
the other way around.
~~~
"And wishes don't come true, no matter how much stardust there
is, and magic doesn't make things better, and no-one who sticks
his hand into fire gets away without burns. If you want to be
worth anything as a witch, Magrat Garlick, you need to learn three
things. What's real, what's not real, and what the difference
between them is --"
~~~
"Progress just means bad things will happen faster."
~~~
"You can't build a better world for people. Only people can
build a better world for people. Otherwise it's nothing but a
cage."
Monstrous Regiment
You take a bunch of people who don't seem any different from
you and me, but when you put them all together you get this raving
maniac with national borders and an anthem.
~~~
And a woman by herself is missing a man, while a man by himself
is his own master. Trousers. That's the secret. Trousers and a
pair of socks. I never dreamed it was like this. Put on trousers
and the world changes. We walk different. We act different. I
see these girls and I think: idiots! Get yourselves some trousers!
Men At Arms
It takes a very special and strong.minded kind of atheist to
jump up and down with their hand clasped under their other armpit
and shout, "Oh, random-fluctuations-in-the space-time-continuum!"
or "Aaargh, primitive-and-out-moded-concept on a crutch!"
Maskerade
'Well, basically there are two sorts of opera,' said Nanny, who
also had the true witch's ability to be confidently expert on
the basis of no experience whatsoever. 'There's your heavy opera,
where basically people sing foreign and it goes like "Oh
oh oh, I am dyin', oh, I am dyin', oh, oh, oh, that's what I'm
doin'", and there's your light opera, where they sing in
foreign and it basically goes "Beer! Beer! Beer! Beer! I
like to drink lots of beer!", although sometimes they drink
champagne instead. That's basically all of opera, reely.
~~~
'This damn door sticks
This damn door sticks
This damn door sticks no matter what I do
It's marked push, and indeed I am pushing
Perhaps it should be marked 'pull'?
- opera lyrics
Hogfather
Education is like a sexually transmitted disease. It makes you
unsuitable for a lot of jobs, and then you get the urge to pass
it on.
~~~
Real children do not go 'hoppity skip' unless they are on drugs.
~~~
She made a point of taking the children, every day, somewhere
where they could meet others of the same age. If they got the
hang of the playground, adult life would hold no fears. Besides,
it was nice to hear the voices of children at play, provided you
took care to be far enough away not to hear what they were actually
saying.
~~~
'...and then Jack chopped down the beanstalk, adding murder and
ecological vandalism to the theft, enticement and trespass charges
already mentioned, but he got away with it and lived happily ever
after without so much as a guilty twinge about what he had done.
Which proves that you can be excused just about anything if you're
a hero, because no one asks inconvenient questions.'
~~~
'Definitely viable.'
'Viable, right enough.'
'Yes, that's the stuff to give the troops.'
'What is? What's the stuff to give the troops?'
'Well... tinned rations? Decent weapons, good boots... that sort
of thing.'
'What's that got to do with anything?'
'Don't ask me. He was the one who started talking about
giving stuff to the troops.'
'Will you lot shut up? No-one's giving anything to the troops!'
'Oh, shouldn't they have somthing? It's Hogswatch, after all.'
Look, it was just a figure of speech, all right? I just meant
I was fully in agreement. It's just colourful language. Good grief,
you surely can't think I'm actually suggesting giving stuff to
the troops, at Hogswatch or any other time!'
'You weren't?'
'No!'
'That's a bit mean, isn't it?'
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