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Characters: Polly, Maladicta Disclaimer: The author makes no claim to owning the rights of anything to do with Terry Pratchett or Discworld.
A Nice Borogravian Girl
It was winter in Borogravia. There was a war on because Borogravia's sniveling enemies had-- Well, there was a war on because there was always a war on. The reason didn't actually matter as long as there were soldiers to fight it, even if the definition of soldiers was slowly changing. Polly supposed she should be grateful that it was changing at all. At the moment it seemed the same as always--Borogravian winter was grey and bleak. Even if Hogswatch had been celebrated there, the landscape still wouldn't have reminded anyone of quaint holiday cards, which were an Abomination even without a picture of the Hogfather flying over a snowy white forest. She had other things to think about. She was in charge of her own lads now, and even though they hadn't crossed the border yet, there was still a war on. "You didn't have to do that," Maladicta said from behind her. Polly felt herself starting to blush--a reaction that was far more appropriate for Private Oliver Perks. Sergeant Perks, regardless of gender, should not have turned red when her corporal thanked her in a roundabout way. "We need supplies," Polly said. "And "I thought it would be a good exercise for a few of the lads." They'd set up camp near a town, and if Polly had learned one thing from soldiering, it was to take advantage of any patriotic women in the vicinity. Nearly all Borogravian women had a father, husband, son, or brother in the army, and Polly had told the lads to emphasize the fact that they were beardless young men--like those sons and brothers--who just wanted something for their dinner and wasn't it looking like a cold winter? If anyone pointed out that one of the lads was in fact, a lass, they were to continue looking pitiful yet nobly patriotic. Unless anyone mentioned the words "abomination," "unto", or "Nuggan," at which point they were to evaluate the situation. If the person who'd brought up abominations had the thoughtful look of someone who might consider cutting her hair and running away to help the cause, the lads were to thank her and be on their way. Either way Sergeant Perks would be paying them a visit the following day. Polly knew she enjoyed those visits more than she probably should. It meant a nice cup of tea, possibly some biscuits, and either the possibility of a new recruit or the sight of one of those old women looking very uncomfortable. "I didn't know we needed coffee," said Maladicta. The lads had been told several times that if they came back without coffee, they wouldn't be allowed back into camp until they found some. "Unless you've been sneaking into my pack." "I would never--" "A joke, Polly." Maladicta grinned, showing off her shapr, white canines. "I know you're a nice Borogravian girl who only drinks tea. Or am I not supposed to call you a girl?" "I believe you're supposed to call me 'sergeant,' Corporal Maladict," said Polly. "Maladicta," she quickly added. "Don't worry about it, sarge. They're just names." Polly smiled. "Are you going to tell me that vampires don't have names?" "How could I do that? I've already got at least two." She looked in the direction the lads had gone. "How long do you'll think they'll be?" "That depends." "On Borogravian wealth and generosity? It'll be quite some time then." The vampire's smiled widened. "And I believe everyone else is on guard or sitting around the fire, patriotically drinking their tea as all Borogravian girls and boys should." Polly felt herself growing even redder. She was sure that Maladicta couldn't be suggesting... Maladicta took her hand. "I think there's a few other things I need to tell you about vampires," she said. "They hate tea?" asked Polly. "Yes," said Maladicta. "Since we've gotten that out of the way, there's something else I'd really like you to know." Polly wondered vaguely if she was the only person on the disc who wasn't at all worried about having a vampire so close to her. At least, she assumed the normal response was fear, but all she felt was a kind of nervous excitement that had nothing to do with being frightened. She decided that her attitude was the best one to have as Maladicta shyly kissed her. That did answer a few questions Polly had been trying not to ask herself, most of them concerning socks. It also explained why Maladicta always seemed to be looking at her, no matter what else was going on. A familiar, nagging little voice reminded her that this was probably an Abomination. Polly ignored it. She'd been ignoring that little voice for years, and now she seemed to have a decent distraction. Polly sighed softly as Maladicta started to cautiously stroke her still-just-long-enough-to-be-annoying-but-not-long-enough-to-be-attractive hair. The vampire's lips tasted like coffee--it was probably the first time coffee had even been more appealing to her than tea. It started to snow. The white, fluffy kind of snow, and not the sort that usually fell on Borogravia and turned into grey slush within an hour. "There's no sense standing out here in this weather," said Polly. "We should get under cover." "What about the lads?" asked Maladicta. "Nothing like a bit of snow to build character," said Polly. "It'll put hair on their chests--whether they want it there or not. Once we're in your tent--with orders not to be disturbed--you can tell me what else a sergeant needs to know about vampires. For martial purposes, of course." "Of course. An army needs every tactical advantage it can get, sarge. No point in having a vampire unless you know what they're good at." Maladicta smirked. "It's not all hanging upside down and nightgowns with underwire." The snow continued to fall. The lads on guard duty stomped their feet and rubbed their hands while those sitting by the fire moved closer to it and waited for the tea to finish boiling. Polly wrapped her arms around Maladicta. Although she was very curious about what Maladicta had said before, she decided not to ask about the hanging upside down part just yet. Having been raised to be a nice, Borogravian girl, Polly pressed her cheek against Maladicta's shoulder as the vampire kissed her neck. |